My name is Bigirimana Spes, and this is my story:
Early Life in Burundi
My name is Bigirimana Spes, and I am a refugee from Burundi. I was born in Cibitoke, where my life began. After my father passed away, I moved to Gitega, the place where my mother was born and where I grew up. I lived in the area where my mother had been married, believing it to be my home. However, after my father’s death, I experienced rejection and family conflict. My uncle and my mother forced me to leave because they feared I would claim property that belonged to my father. This loss of family support left me vulnerable and without protection, and I was forced to leave in order to survive.
Marriage, Motherhood, and the Outbreak of Violence
I later moved to Bujumbura, where I tried to rebuild my life. There, I got married and became the mother of two children. For a short time, I experienced stability and hope. In 2015, political violence spread across Burundi, and my husband became a target. People began searching for him with the intention of killing him. In fear for our lives, my husband took me back to Cibitoke, believing it would be safer. On the very day we arrived, violence reached the area. During this conflict, my husband and my two children were killed. After this tragedy, I was also targeted, and my life was in immediate danger.
Displacement and Flight Within Burundi
After the total loss of my own family, I was forced to flee repeatedly within Burundi. I escaped to Rugombo, then to Buganda, and later returned to Bujumbura, but in every place I was found and threatened. I lived in constant fear, moving from one location to another in order to stay alive. Eventually, it became clear that I could not remain in Burundi and had to flee to survive.
Escape to Kenya and Life in Kakuma Refugee Camp
I fled Burundi by leaving Bujumbura on 11 March 2015, arriving in Kenya on 14 March 2015. I was taken to Kakuma Refugee Camp, where I stayed for several months. Life in this remote detention camp was extremely difficult and unsafe for me. I continued to face insecurity and lived in fear even within the camp with little or no help from UNHCR.
Victim of SGBV
As a single young woman without family or protection I became a targeted individual and soon after my arrival I got raped and became pregnant. Despite that I filed the case with the police and UNHCR I received no help and the rapist was never tried in court.
Based on my religious upbringing I carried the pregnancy to term and gave birth to a healthy baby boy, which was registered on my refugee documents. His father was nowhere to be seen.
Loss of My Child and Search for Help
In 2017, when my child was about one and a half years old, suddenly the father and his relatives appeared and forcibly took my son from me. They disappeared. My son’s name is Jordan Musato Mukandja. I searched for help everywhere I could. I went to the police and reported what happened. I visited different offices and organizations, including government (RAS, now DRS), the United Nations (UNHCR), and refugee support organizations such as RCK (the Kenyan NGO Refugee Consortium of Kenya, who was the implementing partner of UNHCR to care for the legal struggles of refugees) – but I did not receive any assistance or answers. Instead of protection, I continued to face threats that forced me into hiding.
The rapist and father of my son, Eroko Hubert Mukandja, had ironically by then a job at the Child Protection Program of the NGO Lutheran World Federation (LWF) at the camp in Kakuma 4. There he conspired with LWF staff Boniface Wanyonyi, who was working at this project, and other data clerks at UNHCR and DRS to take my son Jordan off my registration file and the computer system. That was highly criminal, but was never followed up – though I still hold the proof. The Inspector General Office (IGO) of the UNHCR, who is supposed to also follow such criminal activities of cybercrime by implementing partners (LWF, DRS) and/or UNHCR staff has become a toothless paper-tiger and did nothing to bring justice.
Continued Danger and Escape to Nairobi
While being forced to still live in these unsafe conditions at Kakuma, I became pregnant by a man who had given me shelter. I gave birth to another son, Bryan. At that point, I realized that remaining in Kakuma would put my life at serious risk. In 2018, I therefore escaped from Kakuma with my newborn and moved to an area around Kenya’s capital Nairobi, where it is easier to hide and where I remain today. We sleep in the annex of a church. During the day I hustle vegetables or wash clothes for other people to at least feed my son and myself. I have continued to search for safety, protection, and support, but I have not received meaningful help from DRS or UNHCR nor their implementing partner NGOs.
The Fight for my Son
I was advised to seek help from FIDA, the Kenyan Federation of Women Lawyers, who – after lengthy bureaucracy – gave me a retired lady lawyer, Mrs. Poulette Achieng, as advocate to file the case in court.
In the background I had engaged a Human Rights Defender to find my missing son. He succeeded and police – also based on proven death threats – briefly arrested the biological father of my son Jordan, who was at the time illegally residing in Kiambu and had resorted to tell me that he will kill me, if I continue and not give up my son. I choose to rather die than to let this criminal keep my abducted son in hiding and with no care nor school.
After the arrest of Eroko Hubert Mukandja, he was taken by police from Nairobi to where my son was held by the relatives of the rapist far outside Kakuma camp and both were brought back to Nairobi. But instead of handing my son to me, those officers of the DCI’s Child Protection Department assigned to the case brought him to an orphanage where I was not allowed to see him. Foul play was clearly again the name of the game. During their long trips to Turkana and back, they obviously had enough time to cut a criminal deal.
Together with the biological father these DCI officers then managed to mislead not only me but also the lawyer I had been given by FIDA, Mrs. Poulette Achieng, to attend a wrong court in Nairobi, where they had filed a case for custody in collusion with the father.
I managed to catch up with them, but the lawyer had remained at a different court. My son Jordan had great joy to see me again and didn’t want to let me go. But after the corrupted court session the police officer brutally took him from me and hit me to the ground to escape together with the rapist father. My report of the assault by police was never followed up.
Since then I have also never seen my son Jordan again and – though the lawyer was then forced to file an immediate appeal and got a court order to instantly bring my boy Jordan back to court – neither she nor FIDA ever followed up and the police are in contempt of court. UNHCR had plenty of opportunities and the duty to demand and provide for my rights, but I have seen even international staff like the Heads of Protection Jeffrey Savage and Michell Apala come and go and do absolutely NOTHING for the protection of refugees in Kenya.
There seems to be no justice for refugees in Kenya and I only can hope now that I will be given witness protection.
My Life – a Continuous Struggle for Survival
“I am the mother of four sons: Two murdered in Burundi, one kidnapped in Kenya and one with me.”
Today, I am living with my remaining boy, who gives me the strength to continue despite everything I have been through. As a mother, I carry both love and responsibility, even while continuously facing many challenges as a refugee without stable support. Every day, I try to protect my child and give him a sense of safety and hope, even when the future is uncertain. My child here and my missing boy are the reasons I keep moving forward, can not just give up my life and continue to believe that a life of dignity, peace, and security is our right and still possible. I do no longer fear to reveal the truth.
My son Bryan’s big wish is to go back to school. But the school closed, because all parents could not afford to keep it running. UNHCR is doing nothing to assist the children of urban refugees to get their rights to education.
Current Struggles
- Searching for Justice and for My Missing Child
I continue to live with the pain of not knowing where my child, Jordan Musato Mukandja, is. Since 2017, I have been searching for him, hoping every day for answers and for his safety. - Caring for My Child Alone
I am raising my current child on my own. As a single mother and a refugee, I carry full responsibility for my child’s safety, well-being, and future. - School Fees and Education
Paying school fees is a serious challenge for me. I want my child to stay in school and have a better future, but I often struggle to afford education costs. - Food Insecurity
There are many days when I do not have enough food. Providing regular meals for my child is difficult because I do not have a stable income or reliable support. - Lack of Support and Stability
I do not have stable housing, income, or consistent assistance. This makes daily life uncertain and very hard, but I continue to do my best to survive and protect my child.
A Call for Help
I am asking for help so that I can protect my child and rebuild my life with dignity. I need support to meet basic needs such as food, school fees, and safe housing, so that my child can grow up in security and continue their education. I am also seeking assistance to help me continue the search for my missing child, Jordan Musato Mukandja, and to access legal, humanitarian, or protection services. Any support, guidance, or connection to organizations that can help would make a meaningful difference in my life. Your support is not just help—it is hope for safety, stability, and a future for my children.
Thank you for caring. May God bless you abundantly.
I appreciate the help by PUGNA MALUM Sntl. and CW.Center very much, who made it possible to let You and the World hear now about my journey and our life with this blog. We have great hope that it will turn our fate for the better.
I am deeply grateful to PUGNA MALUM Sntl. for their great support and CW.Center for helping to share my story. We hold onto hope that this will change our fate.
Thank you all !
With Hope and Love,
Bigirimana Spes
M-PESA NUMBER: +254-705-491-794 (registered name Cheposangiy Akudukenya).
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